Buffett sings Parrotheads a soundtrack of excess

He's barf's favorite musician.

Jimmy Buffett's rum-soaked repertoire is as synonymous with post-party vomiting as the sound of toilets flushing.

It's like cirrhosis started a band.

When Buffett sings, livers weep like they were chopping onions and watching "Brian's Song."

Yeah, we all know "Margaritaville," a song that's kept the makers of tiny paper drink umbrellas in business.

But the guy has plenty of other choice tunes to get wicked hammered to.

In honor of Buffett's stop in town this weekend, let's crack open a sixer of his best drinking tunes.

6. "It's Five O' Clock Somewhere"

This duet with Alan Jackson is about getting loaded at lunch and ditching your crappy job in order to get all hopped on tropical drinks and pretend you're someone else - someone with a future, hope, better taste in liquor, etc.

"Pour me something tall and strong / Make it a Hurricane, before I go insane / It's only half past twelve, but I don't care," Buffett sighs, not exactly sounding like a company man, unless said company includes bar olives.

Hey, your existence may be empty, but not your shot glass!

5. "Livin' It Up"

A song about refusing to ever slow down, this one treats sobriety like a dog turd on the living room carpet: something that you pretend doesn't exist, left for others to deal with.

"Livin' it up / It's takin' all of his time / But he ain't givin' it up / It suits his temperament fine," Buffett sings of the tune's party-hard protagonist, a dude forever in search of a good time.

Kind of like us.

Applebee's, here we come.

4. "Party at the End of the World"

First, Buffett gives us the bad news: "The world's ending."

Then, the good: "There's a party!"

Whew, way to take the edge off that whole extinction-of-humankind thing.

Tell the four horsemen of the apocalypse to bring the cheese log.

3. "God's Own Drunk"

A cautionary tale: If you knock back too much backwoods whiskey, you may try to get it on with a bear.

"And a feelin' came over me like somethin' I'd never experienced before / It was like, like I was in love / In love for the first time, with anything that moved," Buffett enthuses in song after copping a gnarly buzz from some illegal hooch.

Then he encounters one of Grizzly Adams' boys, and it's on.

"Mr. Bear, I love every hair on your twenty-seven acre body," he tells the thing.

How em-bear-assing.

Get it?

Hey oh!

If you didn't think that was damn funny, you're not drunk enough.

2. "My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus"

The ultimate hangover tune, for those days when you wake up with throbbing temples and a tongue that tastes like soiled Charmin.

"It's that kind of mornin', really was that kind of night / Tryin' to tell myself that my condition is improvin' / And if I don't die by Thursday I'll be roarin' Friday night," Buffett sings knowingly.

Goes well with chopping up lines of Excedrin and deleting regrettable Facebook posts.

1. "Why Don't We Get Drunk"

Done.

Contact reporter Jason Bracelin at jbracelin@
reviewjournal.com or 702-383-0476.