5 mind-blowing Las Vegas burritos

How would one describe the pure, smile-widening majesty of the burrito to some sad, sad soul who’s never experienced this hand-held portal to digestive nirvana, whose GPS clearly failed them en route to Flavor Town?

Well, late/great comedian Mitch Hedberg once characterized the Mexican culinary staple as a sleeping bag for ground beef.

Not bad.

But oh, how the once-humble burrito has evolved from those simple origins, blossoming into a thing of true gustatory glory, of myriad incarnations, all united by one thing: awesomeness.

Need further proof?

Check out these incredible creations:

Big A. Mecca Burrito

Bring a friend — or seven, perhaps — when attempting to harpoon this, the Moby Dick of burritos. Bearing the weight of an edible bowling ball — nearly 10 pounds — this mighty gut-filler comes bursting with longaniza, carne asada, french fries (naturally), guacamole, sour cream, cheese and chipotle sauce all wrapped with three (!) 16-inch tortillas. What could possibly make this colossus of yum any better? Bacon. The whole thing comes layered in bacon. (Wipes tear of joy — or maybe grease).

$93.99; Sayulitas, 3999 Las Vegas Blvd. South

Long Beach Burrito

You can’t have a list of killer burritos these days without including a sushi burrito — well, you could, but said list would be really sad and probably listen to Fall Out Boy or something. Anyway, this bad boy from Jaburritos, Vegas’ first sushi burrito joint, comes packed with shrimp tempura, spicy tuna, surimi crab, chipotle mayo, eel sauce and veggies.

$19; Jaburritos, 3545 Las Vegas Blvd. South

Cotton Candy Burrito

This viral dessert burrito has gotten so famous in recent years that we half expect it to start dating a Kardashian any day now. But, hey, at least the notoriety is justified in this case, as this truly one-of-a-kind treat, which looks like a rainbow’s innards, blends cotton candy with an ice cream flavor of your choosing and three dry toppings.

$15, Creamberry, 7965 S. Rainbow Blvd., Suite 140

Cali Burrito

Frankly, it’d be a crime against happiness the world over for anyone to be deprived of a burrito loaded with carne asada — or barbacoa, pastor, chorizo, chicken milanesa, fish, ground beef — just because they don’t eat meat. Thankfully, all those proteins are available in vegan form to be piled into the Cali Burrito at plant-based Mexican eatery Tacotarian, which was named among the “Top 100 Movers and Shakers” by Fast Casual magazine, the only plant-based concept to be recognized along such national brands as Chipotle, Smoothie King and Dave’s Hot Chicken.

$14.99; Tacotarian, 1130 S. Casino Center Blvd., Suite 170, and other locations

Haleiwa Bomber

The only thing better than waking up to a mouth-watering breakfast burrito is, well, sleeping in. But if you have to get up and go to work and feed the kids and crap, this Hawaiian bomber is, in fact, the bomb with fluffy eggs, seasoned potatoes and a melty blend of jack and cheddar cheese piled high with 12-hour slow-roasted kalua pork. Get it fully loaded with jalapeños, sour cream and avocado.

We’re not drooling, you are.

$15.95; Kono’s Northshore, 7591 W. Washington Ave.