Puscifer’s Keenan says be ready for anything

On more than one occasion, Maynard James Keenan has been described as a nihilist for his persona. This one time, in his old band Tool, he stood on a stage, on top of a super big toilet prop, 30 feet tall, and he sang, "Here in this hopeless (expletive) hole we call L.A., the only way to fix it is to flush it all away."

The grungy crowd of tens of thousands went wild. It was the 1990s. I saw Tool open for (and blow away) Ozzy Osbourne. That takes some doing.

Back then, young-at-the-time Generation X kids were drawn to such "curmudgeons" (a word Keenan uses to describe himself) a great deal more than today's YouTube nation of hooray-for-me costume parties.

Anyway, so I guess I was taken aback when Keenan, who usually eschews traditional structures (and stupid people), just told me children should enlist in the Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts.

That seemed like an odd thing for a nihilist to encourage until I realized he's got survivalism on the brain, because everyone needs to get ready for some terrible devastation in America, said Keenan (whose band Puscifer will play the Palms' Pearl on Saturday; $66-$423).

"Let's say Katrina happens in Los Angeles," he theorized. "The difference between you surviving is 72 hours. Can you survive 72 hours under the harshest conditions? Do you know how to do that? If you don't know how to do that, you don't know how to survive, and you're one of the statistics."

Keenan thinks it would be a good idea if kids were to learn how to tie a knot, survive in the woods, make a fire, boil groundwater, and nurture each other in a "forage club," despite the "polluted" "weirdness" that scout programs have endured over time at the awful hands of "a few douchebag pedophiles."

"I think it's wise to figure out where they get their water, and how to grow their own food, and build their own shelter," Keenan said.

Keenan seems prepared. He's a daily hands-on winery worker at his own Caduceus Cellars in Arizona.

The revered musician understands you might think this public statement paints him as a "doomsayer." But he's only trying to be helpful.

"Katrina just happened not that long ago in our country," and so did World War II and the Depression, relatively speaking, he said.

"We live in a world where there's a lot of food, clothing and shelter readily available, so you lose touch with how it is to secure these things," Keenan said.

Keenan, 51, said he's not talking about fictional "Walking Dead" zombie scenarios.

"I'm talking about understanding groundwater, and understanding what's contaminated, and what vegetables you can eat, and what vegetables you can't eat, and what things that are growing that are contaminated with decomposing groundwater. That's part of floods, that's part of tsunamis. That ends up (killing) as many people as the actual event."

So you can imagine, when we talked about today's popular hit songs, he wasn't into them.

"Wal-Mart music," he called them. "It's basically commercials."

His advice to musical newcomers is also a survivalist's memoir, from one of Gen X's most influential rockers: Don't wait to get discovered, don't expect the music industry to rescue you.

"Truly realize how little you'll need, because that's what you're going to have, because no one is going to pay you for your music," he said.

Write from the heart and "plan on squeaking by" financially, he said.

I have no feel-good ending for this interview, unless you're a fan planning to go to his show, because it's a 1990s-esque theatrical event with lots of moving parts — performance-art video, a boxing ring, props and serious music.

"It's not just a rock show," he said. "It's a Puscifer show."

EIGHTIES SEX SYMBOLS

Kelly LeBrock ("Woman in Red," "Weird Science") dropped by the Flamingo hotel on Saturday night to check out Olivia Newton-John.

Tom Cruise went to see Nick Hissom perform at the Wynn nightclubs on Saturday night, and Hissom Tweeted photo proof.

PLAYING OBAMA

Bellagio pianist David Osborne is in Washington, D.C., to perform holiday tunes for the Obama family, as usual. On his set list: "The Christmas Song" ("Chestnuts"); "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas"; "Holy Night"; "O Christmas Tree"; "Carol of the Bells"; "Joy to the World"; "Little Drummer Boy"; "Do You Hear What I Hear?"; Pachelbel Canon in D Major; and the first lady's favorite, Stevie Wonder's "Overjoyed."

Doug Elfman can be reached at delfman@reviewjournal.com. He blogs at reviewjournal.com/elfman. On Twitter: @VegasAnonymous.