‘Nothing Like the Holidays’

You know that time-honored holiday dish that turns up on the table every year? The one that reappears annually because it just wouldn't be a holiday celebration without it -- even though everybody's sick of it by now?

Consider "Nothing Like the Holidays" the cinematic equivalent.

It's heavy on Latino flavor, to be sure. But underneath the muy caliente spices, it's the same old holiday mush.

You know the recipe: Take one matriarch and one patriarch, preferably at each other's throats over some long-simmering conflict that's threatening to boil over at any minute.

Add assorted grown children, each with his or her own problems. Throw in a significant other of a different ethnic group to achieve the obligatory misunderstandings, comedic and otherwise.

Season with sitcom-style antics and melodramatic confrontations, then stir the pot -- and serve.

That's the recipe "Nothing Like the Holidays" follows, proving that its title is nothing if not absurd. This movie's everything like the holidays, at least as depicted in movies where families laugh a lot, yell a lot -- and love a lot.

But a loving family does not necessarily a lovable movie make.

"Nothing Like the Holidays" takes place in Chicago's Humboldt Park neighborhood, a Puerto Rican enclave where single-star flags adorn the streets and a high school is named for baseball legend Roberto Clemente. (Who, lest we forget, played not for the Chicago Cubs but the Pittsburgh Pirates.)

Patriarch Edy Rodriguez (Alfred Molina) and matriarch Anna (Elizabeth Peña) have seen more harmonious days.

But the friction between them in no way diminishes their joy at the return of son Jesse (Freddy Rodriguez), who's been serving with the Marines in Iraq. Edy assumes Jesse will join him at the bodega -- but Jesse may have other ideas.

Jesse's sister Roxanna (Vanessa Ferlito), meanwhile, is home from Hollywood, where her acting career isn't going quite as well as the home folks assume.

The third sibling, Mauricio (John Leguizamo), has a successful legal career -- and his hard-charging Jewish wife Sarah (Debra Rodriguez) has an even more successful Wall Street career. (You can tell this movie was made before the hedge-fund hemorrhaging of recent months.) But they're so busy being successful that Anna wonders when they'll have time to make her a grandmother of an adorable "Sorta Rican."

Naturally, an assortment of holiday sweets and nuts accompany the main dish, from Jesse's old flame Marissa (Melonie Diaz) and her hunky new boyfriend (Ramses Jimenez), former gang-banger Ozzy (Jay Hernandez), who's always had eyes for Roxanna, and comedic Cousin Johnny (Luis Guzman), whose chief goal in life seems to be maintaining the blow-dried perfection of his hair.

Screenwriters Alison Swan and Rick Najera create some potentially appealing characters but can't think of anything remotely creative to do with them, settling for routine, if raucous, comedy and even more routine dramatic complications. (News flash: Jesse's got survivor's guilt! Ozzy's out to get the guy who killed his brother! Edy's got a deep dark secret that's not what Anna thinks!)

Director Alfredo De Villa ("Washington Heights," "Adrift in Manhattan") keeps things moving at a reasonable clip and delivers some eye-catching location shots (just watching all that Chicago snow makes you shiver). Overall, however, the movie concentrates on cramped interiors -- the house, the bodega -- that reinforce the sitcom-style TV feel.

And maybe that's the plan. After all, producers Robert Teitel and George Tillman Jr. transformed two previous Chicago-set movie projects -- "Soul Food" and "Barbershop" -- into TV series, so why not "Nothing Like the Holidays"? (That title's simply got to go, though.)

If this does wind up on the small screen, let's hope it arrives with its cast intact -- because the performers emerge as the best (and sometimes the only) reason to spend the holidays with "Nothing Like the Holidays."

British chameleon Alfred Molina (a standout as everyone from "Frida's" Diego Rivera to "Spider-Man 2's" Doc Ock) brings a quiet warmth to Edy, even if his accent wavers a bit from time to time. And the live-wire Peña ("Lone Star," "How the Garcia Girls Spent Their Summer Vacation") balances his deceptively easygoing spirit with fiery determination that reflects the couple's love-hate relationship.

Their kids are equally appealing, if less memorably persuasive, although the Emmy-winning Leguizamo shows a few flashes of the comedic flair that has powered such one-man shows as "Freak" and "Sexaholic" from Broadway to HBO.

And watching another Emmy winner, Messing, play uptight and prissy seems a waste of her considerable comedic talents.

Then again, she's been in worse movies. ("The Wedding Date," anyone?) And we've all seen worse holiday movies. ("The Family Stone," anyone?)

So you could do worse than spend some time watching the Rodriguez family discover that there's "Nothing Like the Holidays." Trouble is, you also could do much better.

Contact movie critic Carol Cling at ccling@reviewjournal.com or 702-383-0272.