YULETIDE YUKS

Spare us ho-ho-ho. Show us ha-ha-ha.

This is Christmas with a cheeky streak.

Consider this exchange in "Nick Saint," between a young girl and a jolly gent who might just be that husky, hirsute elf:

"I have a pretty big problem and I was hoping you and your friends could help me out."

"What is it, Mr. Saint?"

"Nick Saint isn't actually my real name."

"Are you an escaped criminal or something? Witness Protection Program?"

"Miracle on 34th Street" by way of Comedy Central.

"I have a very pop-culture sense of humor, it's very tongue-in-cheek," says Rory Johnston, director/writer/co-composer of "Nick Saint," opening tonight for a weekend run at Canyon Ridge Christian Church's 3,000-seat auditorium.

"It's an original, good old-fashioned book musical -- people talk and break into song. It's not 'Les Miz,' it's not 'Miss Saigon.' We keep the music simple and hummable."

Penned 20 years ago by Johnston, a cruise ship magician, but just now seeing a stage, "Nick Saint" weaves 16 original songs through the tale of bitter, crippled Jenny (10-year-old Logan Linehan) and the titular maintenance man (Jeff Fleming) at her inner-city apartment building. He enlists her and her friends to remind the world of the true values of Christmas.

And if it's seasonally saccharine in some spots -- including a romantic subplot -- it's merrily irreverent in others, such as tabloid hacks as supporting characters.

Actors Mark Clark and Robert Routin inhabit, respectively, villainous Lance Boyle (why be subtle?) and virtuous Benny Bigalow.

Clark: "I'm the star reporter for the National Busybody." (Finally, truth-telling in tabloid titles.)

Routin: "I'm actually a real reporter." (You mean ... for The Busybody?) "Hey, it's a living."

Clark: "I go to extremes to prove Nick's not Santa Claus."

Routin: "I help him spread his word that he is Santa, that people believe in him."

Clark: "Do I chew the scenery? I eat every scene."

Routin: "You see how the set's all jagged at the top? Teeth marks."

Among tunes that toggle between comic ("Battle Cry of the Shoppers," "No-Good, Nauseating, Nasty News") and cuddly ("Magic of Christmas," "It's Wonderful"), one spotlights baddies swooning over their own warped brand of heroes, an all-star roster including Captain Bligh, Darth Vader, Lucrezia Borgia, Lizzie Borden and a certain food connoisseur:

"Some people think those heroes of ours don't care; It isn't right and it isn't fair; Hannibal Lecter liked folks, so there; He liked them medium rare."

"It's not a Christian show, we're not going to hit them with the Bible," says Johnston, the church's creative arts director, whose Hannibal rimshot confirms its nonbiblical bent. "There's no hidden agenda, it's just a big-ol', family, have-a-blast, have-a-laugh show."

As the twinkly title dude, the role's not a stretch for his portrayer. "I'm playing me," says Fleming, whose resume now runs an amusing cultural gamut -- this sorta-Santa also played Tevye in "Fiddler on the Roof."

"I feel like I'm a giver and I want to make children happy."

Finally debuting after two decades in gestation, could this musical be reborn into the big time?

"The goal is to do it elsewhere," Johnston says. "This is sort of the off-off-off-off-off-off-off-Broadway tryout. The producer of 'Wicked' is coming. ... Perhaps the son of the uncle of the cousin of the guy that knows the producer of 'Wicked' -- I'm not sure."

Whatever its theatrical fortunes, this musical's heart is in the right -- or rather, left of center -- place:

"People don't believe in me anymore. No imagination."

"Well, Mr. Saint, you have to admit, you don't exactly look like Santa Claus. Santa Claus is fat."

"I went on a diet."

"He has a beard."

"I shaved."

"He has a red coat and he lives at the North Pole."

"I relocated. For the weather, mostly."

Though "Nick Saint" is where ho-ho-ho meets ha-ha-ha, remember this is still a yuletide gig: One great, big, fuzzy-wuzzy, Santa-size serving of ... awwwww.

Contact reporter Steve Bornfeld at sbornfeld@reviewjournal.com or 702-383-0256.