Some things you won’t see in Vegas

And now, for 26 things you will never see or experience in the Las Vegas music scene:

• The wall of death at a Cab gig.

• Decaydance's next big Vegas signing: Guttural Secrete! Look for the video for "Reek of Pubescent Despoilment" on "TRL" soon!

• The Vermin, "Unplugged."

• Molotov Cocktail at a Jim Gibbons fundraiser.

• An all-ages venue that stays open for more than three months.

• Enya's "A Day Without Rain" in the Double Down jukebox.

• A trip to the Double Down restroom that isn't suggestive of an animal carcass vacuum packed into a soiled gym sock.

• The members of Strikt-9, Verbatym and The Stript in a spelling bee.

• A kind, caring and compassionate door staff at the Cheyenne Saloon.

• The Deadly Seven in pantsuits.

• A dearth of emo at Jillian's.

• Getting drunk at the House of Blues without having to a) take a second mortgage out on your home b) sell your children or c) go on the celebrated "Trisquits and pocket lint" diet for a month (or three).

• Local hip-hop acts on "Hot" (cough) 97.5 FM.

• An actual country artist on "new country" radio 95.5 FM. (By "new," they mean really, really crappy pop acts with a fiddle, apparently).

• Cirrhosis guzzling O'Douls and/or smiling.

• Cops at a hip-hop show with no intention of shutting it down, whatsoever, why do you ask?

• A show at the MGM Grand where some pantywaist doesn't ask you to sit down for fear of having to get off his or her duff for anything other than a trip to the concession stand.

• Someone exclaim at a Wintch Mob show: "This band is good and all, but I just wish there were more sweaty dudes punching each other in the neck, ya know?"

• Modest-sized belt buckles at Stoney's Rockin' Country.

• Someone under the age of 50 headlining the Cannery showroom.

• A lack of dudes in girl pants and white belts at the Beauty Bar.

• The Higher on Face First Records.

• The Killers at the Leatherneck Club.

• A concert at the Hard Rock pool that you can actually, you know, see and stuff.

• Not enough bikers at Rox.

• A music critic who doesn't get death threats for goofing on Josh Groban.

Contact reporter Jason Bracelin at jbracelin@reviewjournal.com or 702-383-0476.