MOVIES

OPENING THIS WEEK

HUMPDAY

Read Carol Cling's review.

I CAN DO BAD ALL BY MYSELF

That irrepressible force of nature, pistol-packin' granny Madea, is back (along with the guy who plays her, writer-director Tyler Perry) in another big-screen adaptation of one of Perry's plays, this one about Madea's efforts to reform two delinquents and their aunt, a hard-drinking nightclub singer ("Benjamin Button" Oscar nominee Taraji P. Henson, who also starred in Perry's "The Family That Preys"). At multiple locations. (153 min.) PG-13; mature thematic material involving a sexual assault on a minor, violence, drug references, smoking.

9

Not to be confused with the Broadway musical "Nine" (which is coming to the screen later this year), this one's an animated apocalyptic sci-fi blast (expanded from an award-winning short) in which the future of humanity is in jeopardy. Elijah Wood voices the title character, 9, while Christopher Plummer, Martin Landau, John C. Reilly and Jennifer Connelly play other numbers in the cast. At multiple locations. (79 min.) PG-13; violence, scary images.

SORORITY ROW

The 1983 horror fave "House on Sorority Row" gets a remake -- and a title trim -- but the premise remains the same, as a serial killer goes after a group of sorority sisters trying to cover up the deadly consequences of a prank gone horribly wrong. Rumer Willis, Briana Evigan and Audrina Patridge lead the cast. At multiple locations. (101 min.) R; strong bloody violence, profanity, sexuality, nudity, partying.

WHITEOUT

After three "Underworld" workouts, Kate Beckinsale returns to butt-kicking form in this thriller (based on a comic book series and graphic novel) about a U.S. marshal, scheduled to depart Antarctica, who's called back to duty to find a murderer -- before six months of winter sets in. Gabriel Macht, Alex O'Loughlin and Tom Skerritt co-star for "Swordfish" director Dominic Sena. At multiple locations. (101 min.) R; violence, grisly images, brief profanity, nudity.

ALREADY IN THEATERS

Movies are rated on a letter-grade scale, from A to F. Opinions by R-J movie critic Carol Cling (C.C.) are indicated by initials. Other opinions are from wire service critics.

ADAM

(B-) A lonely New York engineer with Asperger's Syndrome ("Confessions of a Shopaholic" charmer Hugh Dancy) finds unexpected friendship, and romance, with his upstairs neighbor ("Damages' " radiant Rose Byrne) in a mostly poignant, occasionally strained comedy-drama from writer-director Max Mayer that deserves points for its sensitive yet restrained treatment of a mentally disabled character whose disability is, thankfully, only aspect of his cinematic personality. (99 min.) PG-13; thematic elements, sexual content, profanity. (C.C.)

ALIENS IN THE ATTIC

(C-) A children's movie mix of live-action and animation, this family-friendly romp features a group of kids (led by "High School Musical" alumna Ashley Tisdale, parading around in a bikini for all the dads out there) battling extra-terrestrials invading their vacation home. This has a few positive messages, a few laughs and a few comic throw-downs (one involving "Everybody Loves Raymond's" Doris Roberts going all "Crouching Tiger" on an alien-controlled frat boy), but it's at least as stupid as it is funny. (86 min.) PG; action violence, suggestive humor, profanity.

ALL ABOUT STEVE

(F) All about bad: A roving cable news cameraman ("The Hangover's" Bradley Cooper) thinks he's got a stalker on his trail -- but it's only a one-time blind date ("The Proposal's" Sandra Bullock), a quirky crossword puzzle creator hoping to convince him they're fated to be mated. "Sideways" Oscar nominee Thomas Haden Church and "The Hangover's" Ken Jeong co-star in a grating misfire that's currently leader of the pack in the race to become 2009's worst movie. Unfunny and stupefyingly inane, it's also a depressing waste of money, energy and time -- yours included. (98 min.) PG-13; sexual content and innuendos.

BANDSLAM

(B) The new kid in town ("Chocolat's" Gaelan Connell) teams up with a free spirit ("High School Musical's" Vanessa Hudgens) to form a rock group destined to compete in a hometown battle of the bands. "Friday Night Lights" graduate Scott Porter and "Friends" veteran Lisa Kudrow co-star for "Camp" director Todd Graff in a charmer that exceeds current teen-flick standards to deliver a combination of good feeling and pretty solid music. (111 min.) PG; thematic elements, mild profanity.

DINOSAURS 3D: GIANTS OF PATAGONIA

(B) If you like dinosaurs (and who doesn't?), you'll love this 3-D documentary, which follows paleontologist Rodolfo Coria as he tramps the rugged wilds of Patagonia (southern Argentina), where remains of the largest dinosaurs in the world -- including the 120-foot Argentinosaurus -- have been discovered. The perfect blend of scholarly information and totally cool dinosaurs brought to vivid life. (40 min.) G; scary dinosaurs.

DISTRICT 9

(B) Aliens trapped in apartheid-like conditions on Earth discover an ally in a government agent (Sharlto Copley) who, exposed to their biotechnology, begins mutating from human to extra-terrestrial. This sci-fi sleeper from writer-director Neill Blomkamp and producer Peter Jackson ("Lord of the Rings") proves sci-fi thrillers don't have to be star-studded or mega-budgeted to be visually compelling -- and thoroughly entertaining. (112 min.) R; bloody violence, pervasive profanity.

EXTRACT

(C) The owner of a small flavor extract company (a nicely hapless Jason Bateman) finds his business -- and personal life -- going down the tubes, prompting him to take increasingly desperate action. This fitfully amusing but off-target satire (from "Office Space" writer-director Mike Judge) never finds its comedic momentum, despite such nimble players as Ben Affleck, Mila Kunis, J.K. Simmons, Clifton Collins Jr., David Koechner and Kristin Wiig. "Extract" works hard to keep its plates spinning, but never creates characters worth caring about, which makes it tough to laugh at them -- to say nothing of laughing with them. (92 min.) R; sexual references, drug use. (C.C.)

THE FINAL DESTINATION

(D-) Start your engines for the fourth installment of this horror franchise (the first in 3-D), as yet another teen (Bobby Campo) tries to put the brakes on Death after his premonition of deadly disaster during a race car crash initially saves lives -- lives the Grim Reaper intends to collect. A decade ago, this was a somewhat intriguing premise; three sequels later, it's deader than this movie's hapless victims. The only thing 3-D adds is perspective -- to help you see how non-dimensional everything else is. (82 min.) R; strong violent/gruesome accidents, profanity, sexual content.

(500) DAYS OF SUMMER

(B+) Back in Las Vegas following its June debut at the CineVegas film festival, this romantic-comedy charmer focuses on a lovelorn L.A. guy ("G.I. Joe's" Joseph Gordon-Levitt), an aspiring architect working at a greeting-card company, before and after he falls for a quirky new co-worker (Zooey Deschanel) who doesn't quite believe in love, everlasting or otherwise. Marc Webb's breezy debut gets a bit too gimmicky for its own good, yet ultimately overcomes its self-conscious cuteness to get to the heart of the matter. (95 min.) PG-13; sexual references, profanity. (C.C.)

FUNNY PEOPLE

(C) A 40-something comic movie star (Adam Sandler, bravely lampooning his goofball image) develops a possibly fatal blood disease and takes an aspiring stand-up comedian (a genial Seth Rogen) under his wing. This maudlin, contrived and frustratingly self-indulgent comedy-drama from writer-director Judd Apatow ("Knocked Up," "The 40-Year-Old Virgin") strains to be serious, but by trying to cram three movies into one, "Funny People" suffers from a massive identity crisis -- and a fatal case of the bloats. (145 min.) R; sexual situations and references, nudity, profanity. (C.C.)

GAMER

(D) "The Ugly Truth's" mucho macho Gerard Butler puts his game face on for this futuristic thriller, playing a convict trapped in a "real life" video game where players shoot to kill -- or be killed. This was never going to be much, but it could (and should) have been more than this letdown from "Crank" creators Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, who substitute drippy sentiment for goofy mayhem, leaving such talented types as Butler and Kyra Sedgwick stranded in the process, along with hapless audience members. (95 min.) R; strong brutal violence, sexual content, nudity, profanity.

G-FORCE

(C) Specially trained animal spies (including those voiced by Tracy Morgan, Sam Rockwell and Oscar-winners Nicolas Cage and Penélope Cruz) battle a diabolical billionaire (Bill Nighy) in a humdrum, kid-friendly hybrid of "Mission: Impossible" and "The Wind in the Willows" that's an inane perpetual-motion machine of car chases (and motorized exercise ball chases), projectile kitchen appliances, and, yes, a towering "Transformers"-like robot run amok. Good thing the 9-inch-tall furball action heroes are actually computer-animated, because real rodents would never make it through the opening minutes. Grown-ups in the audience may not either. (88 min.) PG; mild action, rude humor.

G.I. JOE: THE RISE OF COBRA

(D) Forget those fighting soldiers you collected as a kid; this G.I. Joe is an elite fighting force, assigned to take on a notorious arms dealer (Christopher Eccleston) and his evil organization. Channing Tatum, Marlon Wayans, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Sienna Miller and Dennis Quaid lead the starring cast, but the original Hasbro action figures probably would have given livelier performances. Director Stephen Sommers ("The Mummy" franchise) isn't interested in them anyway, saving his overkill for the computerized effects -- and the audience members who become collateral damage. (118 min.) PG-13; strong action violence and mayhem.

THE GIRL FROM MONACO

(C+) A millionaire's widow (Stephane Audran) on trial for murder hires a powerhouse lawyer (veteran comic actor Fabrice Luchini), who falls for a beautiful but treacherous TV weathercaster (Louise Bourgoin) instead of focusing on the case. It's an old story: professional man, infatuated beyond all good sense, faces ruination by hormone. But for all the elasticity of the form, director Anne Fontaine's comedy is still a cloying bit of business, at best diverting, at worst an almost self-parodic compendium of French film clichés. In French, Italian and Russian, with English subtitles. (95 min.) R; sexual content, profanity.

THE GOODS: LIVE HARD. SELL HARD.

(C-) No cash for this clunker, a strained comedy about an under-the-gun car dealer (James Brolin) so desperate he calls in an ace liquidator (Jeremy Piven) who specializes in bringing dead car lots back to life. Despite a timely premise and a game cast (including Ving Rhames, David Koechner and "The Hangover's" Ed Helms), this wannabe satire's down-and-dirty 'tude turns out to be a ruse, because in its heart of hearts it's nothing but mush. All of which makes "The Goods" far from good. (90 min.) R; sexual content, nudity, pervasive profanity, drug material. (C.C.)

HALLOWEEN II

(C) Rocker-turned-horror-auteur Rob Zombie follows his 2007 revamp of the venerable horror franchise with this blunt-force sequel, in which pesky Michael Myers (Tyler Mane) returns to his Illinois hometown to make life even more miserable for sister Laurie (Scout Taylor-Compton). Zombie's a terrific stylist, but he seems bored with this material -- and even Michael behaves as though he'd rather be somewhere else. Which is not scary -- and that's no way to celebrate "Halloween." (101 min.) R; strong brutal bloody violence, terror, disturbing graphic images, profanity, crude sexual content, nudity.

THE HANGOVER

(C) A wild Caesars Palace bachelor bash spells trouble for four pals (Bradley Cooper, Zach Galifianakis, Ed Helms, Justin Bartha) who party so hard they can't remember anything from the night before -- including where they left the groom. "Old School" director Todd Phillips' rude, crude 'n' lewd romp provides a perfect excuse for anyone who wants to laugh his (or her) ass off; if you'd rather laugh your head off, find another movie, because this one's pretty much brainless, and proudly so. (99 min.) R; pervasive profanity, sexual content, nudity, drug material. (C.C.)

HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE

(B) Harry (Daniel Radcliffe) enters his sixth year of training in wizardry -- and discovers an old book that helps him delve into the dark past of the villainous Lord Voldemort (Ralph Fiennes). Slower and talkier than the five Potters that came before -- but not necessarily in a bad way -- this is a bubbling cauldron of adolescent angst, rife with romance and heartbreak, jealousy and longing. If it weren't for all the bearded wizards and whooshing Death Eater vapor trails, this could be just another modern-day high school melodrama. (153 min.) PG; scary images, violence, profanity, mild sensuality.

THE HURT LOCKER

(A-) Three members of an Army bomb-defusing squad --a cocky sergeant (Jeremy Renner), his steady second-in-command (Anthony Mackie) and a scared-spitless rookie (Brian Geraghty) -- hit the streets of Iraq hoping to save lives, including their own. In this riveting action drama, one of the year's best movies, director Kathryn Bigelow ("Point Break," "K-19: The Widowmaker") demonstrates her mastery of action (and psychology), exploring how dehumanizing -- and how addictive -- combat can be. (131 min.) R; war violence, profanity. (C.C.)

ICE AGE: DAWN OF THE DINOSAURS

(C) Yawn of the dinosaurs: The third prehysteric adventure in the "Ice Age" franchise is definitely not the charm, as computer-animated pals Manny, Ellie, Diego and Sid (alias Ray Romano, Queen Latifah, Denis Leary and John Leguizamo -- or at least their voices) have definitely overstayed their welcome, despite a move to Jurassic-like surroundings. Despite the imaginative imagery (and effective 3-D), the depth of these effects make the flatness of the story (and the indifferent voicework) all the more obvious. (94 min.) PG; mild rude humor and peril.

IN THE LOOP

(B+) "Wag the Dog" meets "The West Wing" in this wonderfully nasty political satire, which follows government officials on both sides of the Atlantic -- from a dovish U.S. general ("The Sopranos' " James Gandolfini) to an expletive-undeleting British press secretary ("Local Hero's" Peter Capaldi) -- as their governments prepare for an invasion of an unidentified Middle Eastern country. (We all know which one it turned out to be.) Tom Hollander, David Rasche, Steve Coogan and Mimi Kennedy also turn up in Brit wit Armando Iannucci's hilarious skewering of a very serious subject. (106 min.) NR; extreme profanity, brief sexual content.

INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS

(C+) Nothing exceeds like excess in writer-director Quentin Tarantino's epic World War II "Dirty Dozen"-meets-"The Good, the Bad and the Ugly" spoof/homage, set "somewhere in Nazi-occupied France," about a smilingly relentless SS colonel (irresistibly smug Christoph Waltz), Jewish GIs (led by a cartoonishly macho Brad Pitt) collecting Nazi scalps and a young survivor of a Nazi massacre (Mélanie Laurent) running a Paris movie house -- and plotting revenge. All the Tarantino trademarks are here, from tangy dialogue to gleeful violence, but he's so busy trying to convince us of his brilliance he can't be bothered to make a movie that might prove it. (153 min.) R; strong graphic violence, profanity, brief sexual situations. (C.C.)

JULIE & JULIA

(B-) In post-World War II Paris, Julia Child (Meryl Streep) discovers the wonders of French cuisine, while in post-Sept. 11 New York, frustrated writer Julie Powell (Amy Adams) decides to cook her way through Child's "Mastering the Art of French Cooking." This genial two-in-one account from writer-director Nora Ephron ("Sleepless in Seattle") strains to equate its two protagonists' far from equal journeys, yet the contrived concept works better than it has any right to, thanks in part to deft performances -- and Ephron's light, almost sitcom-style approach. Even so, this recipe would be a lot better with more Julia and less Julie. (123 min.) PG-13; brief profanity, sexual references. (C.C.)

MY ONE AND ONLY

(B-) If you've ever wondered how a fellow like George Hamilton became a fellow like George Hamilton, this breezy period comedy answers the question by looking, fondly, at his primary caregiver: his mercurial mother (Renée Zellweger), a fading Southern belle who's just left her philandering bandleader husband (Kevin Bacon) to search for a replacement mate, teenage sons George (Logan Lerman) and Robbie (Mark Rendall) in tow. Troy Garity, David Koechner, Eric McCormack, Steven Weber and Chris Noth co-star in a wistfully jaunty, refreshingly old-fashioned road trip through an America that's definitely gone with the wind. (108 min.) PG-13; sexual content, profanity.

ORPHAN

(B) After losing yet another baby, John and Kate Coleman (top-shelf actors Peter Sarsgaard and Vera Farmiga) decide to adopt 9-year-old Esther (the terrifically creepy Isabelle Fuhrman), who's hardly a bundle of joy. This thoroughly enjoyable addition to the venerable, mostly forgotten devil-spawn genre (think 1956's "The Bad Seed" and 1972's "The Other") proves there's plenty of life in the old demon-seed plotline. (123 min.) R; disturbing violent content, sexual situations, profanity.

A PERFECT GETAWAY

(B-) Cheap thrills: two vacationing couples (Steve Zahn and Milla Jovovich, Timothy Olyphant and Kiele Sanchez) vacationing in Hawaii discover that murderous psychos are sharing their romantic Hawaiian idyll in a pulpy chiller (from "Chronicles of Riddick" writer-director David Twohy) that plays dumb to outsmart its audience. Up to a point, it works; this is one B-movie that not only knows where it's going but knows how to get there. (97 min.) R; graphic violence, profanity, sexual references, drug use.

PONYO

(B+) Master animator Hayao Miyazaki ("Spirited Away," "Princess Mononoke") returns with another fanciful fable, this one about a magical goldfish who longs to discover what life beyond the sea is like -- and gets her chance when she's washed ashore and picked up by a 5-year-old boy. Cate Blanchett, Liam Neeson, Matt Damon and Tina Fey lead the vocal cast of this English-language version (scripted by "E.T.'s" Melissa Mathison). You watch a Miyazaki film with the pie-eyed, gape-mouthed awe of a child being read the most fantastic story and suddenly transported to places previously beyond the limits of imagination. As always, it's quite a trip. (101 min.) G; all ages.THE STONING OF SORAYA M.

(B) This riveting account of oppression, injustice and defiance dramatizes the true story of an Iranian wife and mother put to death under fundamentalist religious law in 1986. What keeps us watching is the path -- from outrage, to fear, to resigned martyrdom -- of Mozhan Marno, who plays the blameless victim, and the speak-truth-to-power courage of Shoreh Aghdashloo (an Oscar nominee for "House of Sand and Fog") as her tireless advocate, desperately looking for justice. In English and Persian with English subtitles. (116 min.) R; disturbing sequence of cruel and brutal violence, brief profanity.

TAKING WOODSTOCK

(B-) Your own private Woodstock: Oscar-winning "Brokeback Mountain" director Ang Lee lightens up with this fact-based comedy about dutiful Elliot Teichberg (comedian Demetri Martin), whose quest to help his parents (Imelda Staunton, Henry Goodman) save their crumbling Catskills motel picks up steam when he agrees to help a displaced rock festival find a new home -- on neighbor Max Yasgur's dairy farm. If you're looking for the music, check out the Oscar-winning 1970 documentary "Woodstock," because this genial, meandering human mosaic operates on the fringes of the festival, exploring timeless themes that never go out of style. (120 min.) R; graphic nudity, sexual content, drug use, profanity. (C.C.)

TERMINATOR SALVATION

(C+) No salvation: Last year's box-office king, Christian Bale, trades in the cape, but not the crusade, as all-grown-up John Connor, who leads the charge against an army of Terminators trying to destroy what's left of humanity following a nuclear holocaust. Unlike its groundbreaking, thought-provoking predecessors "Terminator" and "T2," this is a powerfully dumb package of non-stop action. But at least it's undeniably exciting on a visceral level; for many that will be enough. (115 min.) PG-13; intense sequences of sci-fi violence and action, profanity.

THE TIME TRAVELER'S WIFE

(C) "The Notebook's" Rachel McAdams returns to the star-crossed romance genre with this adaptation of Audrey Niffenegger's novel about a Chicago librarian (the well-cast Eric Bana) with a genetic glitch that triggers involuntary time-tripping. Scripted by "Ghost" Oscar-winner Bruce Joel Rubin, the movie's time-travel gimmick supersedes any sort of substance, depth or character development. It's told with a tenderness that's unusual in a major motion picture, but that tenderness, alas, leads mostly to dullness. But (107 min.) PG-13; thematic elements, brief disturbing images, nudity, sexuality.

TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN

(C) Those nasty Decepticons are back, kidnapping hero Sam Witwicky (charismatic Shia LaBeouf) and setting the stage for another epic, duel-to-the-death battle with the good-guy Autobots to determine Earth's fate. Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson and John Turturro reprise their roles in this follow-up to the 2007 smash, which is bigger, longer and louder than its predecessor. In this case, more is definitely less, making this installment long on boom-boom-pow and short on boom-boom-wow! (147 min.) PG-13; intense sci-fi action violence, profanity, crude and sexual material, brief drug material.

THE UGLY TRUTH

(D+) Ugly is as "Ugly" does: A romantically challenged producer for a morning news show (in-a-rut charmer Katherine Heigl) clashes with her show's misogynistic new correspondent ("300's" mucho macho Gerard Butler), who tests his relationship theories on her. Crude yet cloying, this aptly titled battle-of-the-sexes comedy turns out to be a cynical, clumsy attempt to mate a chick flick with a male-oriented gross-out comedy; both sexes should sue for defamation of character. (101 min.) R; sexual content, profanity. (C.C.)

WORLD'S GREATEST DAD

(B) Back in Las Vegas following June's CineVegas film festival, this edgy comedy from writer-director Bobcat Goldthwait stars Robin Williams (at his tamped-down best) as a sad-sack high school English teacher whose literary ambitions take off when fate presents him with a life-altering offer he can't refuse. For all of its cutting cynicism, this off-center but observant skewering of mass hypocrisy and media cynicism proves unexpectedly moving in its portrait of a middle-aged man leaving childish things behind. (99 min.) R; profanity, crude and sexual content, drug use, disturbing images.

YEAR ONE

(D+) Banished from their primitive village, two lazy hunter-gatherers (Jack Black and Michael Cera) embark on an odyssey across the ancient world, where they encounter Old Testament characters and visit Sodom, where they must rescue members of their village from slavery. Despite the reliable names in front of and behind the camera (including director Harold Ramis and producer Judd Apatow), this is a dud of near-epic proportions. (100 min.) PG-13; crude and sexual content, brief profanity, comic violence.