Diva-licious

We love our divas.

Why?

Because if cities were women, Las Vegas would be the biggest diva of them all, a preening, glittery spectacle that's pretty much one giant id stuffed into a pair of perilously high heels.

Divas rule here: Toni Braxton, Celine Dion, Liza Minnelli, Elton John.

And perhaps the greatest diva of them all is hitting town this weekend: Beyoncé Giselle Knowles.

Ah, Beyoncé, ostentation in a skirt, she is Vegas personified.

As she prepares to descend upon the city like the patron saint of hot pants, let us count the ways that Beyoncé and Vegas are one in the same:

She's Not Afraid To Indulge

In a town of diet-detonating buffets and deep-fried everything -- c'mon, how long will it be before Mermaids just gives in and starts selling Crisco intravenously? -- Beyoncé doesn't shy away from getting her Big Mac on.

She's got more curves than the mighty Mississippi, and on Destiny's Child's hit "Bootylicious," she celebrated her ampleness with a swish of those formidable hips.

This diva doesn't like to hold back, and though she had to lose some weight for her role in "Dreamgirls," she made up for it soon afterward.

"At the wrap party the day after filming they had these cupcakes and I ate about 12," Beyoncé told FHM magazine last year. "I actually ate so many I got sick. After that I had waffles, fried chicken, cheeseburgers, french fries, everything I could find. That was the best time of my life. I've gained 12 pounds."

Now that's what we're talking about.

There ain't no shame in your game, girl. Have another steak.

She Doesn't Fake the Funk

To make it in this town, entertainers have to be well-rounded -- and we don't mean in a Louie Anderson kind of way.

You've got to be able to sing, dance, tell jokes, do impressions, read minds, juggle flaming kittens, turn water into Budweiser, etc.

Enter Ms. Knowles.

Unlike most of her contemporaries, Beyoncé is a true throwback performer. She doesn't lip sync at her shows, even though her concerts boast more hair-flying action than a yeti fight.

The lady is an old-fashioned entertainer with a nouveau sheen, shaking her stuff throughout elaborately choreographed performances while still having the composure and breath control to belt out her tunes with the force of a jewel-encrusted fire siren.

Even Madonna let the backing tapes do the talking at times during her last tour.

But not Beyoncé.

"I can do cartwheels and sing," she once said.

Nice.

And just think, Britney can't even sing to begin with.

She Comes From Modest Origins

From Spam to filet mignon, Nancy Reagan to Nancy Spungeon, sobriety to drunkenly hitting on co-workers at the employee Christmas party, both Vegas and Beyoncé have gone from modesty to rhinestone-covered underpants.

Vegas was once little more than a barren watering hole for Mexican traders en route to Los Angeles. It used to be seen as the armpit of Nevada.

Beyoncé comes from an unassuming background as well.

She cut her teeth performing in her backyard and at her mother's hair salon, and began her career by losing on "Star Search" with her first group, Girl's Tyme -- dude, even Sinbad was a finalist on that show.

But how the times have changed.

Nowadays, Beyoncé is among pop's biggest earners, raking in more than $16 million last year, according to "Rolling Stone," and launching her own clothing line, House of Deréon, that's predicted to gross more than $30 million annually.

As for Vegas, it's become one of the top tourist destinations in the world.

And Robin Leach lives here!

Paris, you've been served.

She's Gloriously, Fabulously, Stupendously Over The Top

Just like Vegas, a city characterized by faux medieval castles, slot machines in laundromats, big plastic footballs full of beer and the human incarnation of Cheez Whiz (i.e. Wayne Newton), Beyoncé is awesomely, deliciously ridiculous at times.

She has an alter ego, Sasha, whom she speaks of often and normally attributes any diva behavior to, as in, "You touch that last bear claw, and Sasha's gonna have to go upside your head, girl."

She's endorsing the Emporio Armani fragrance Diamonds, even though she's supposedly allergic to perfume.

She totes around her pet Shih Tzu, Munchy, in a $1,500 Louis Vuitton carrier.

On her current tour, she goes through a half-dozen costume changes and, at one point, reportedly cries real tears every night.

Basically, Beyoncé is a big shiny geyser of kick-ass-itude. She is a deep-fried Twinkie in a world of Ho-Hos. She is a 3 a.m. Zima in a land of last calls.

She is Las Vegas, and you're just lucky to be here.