Career Woman

"Justify my love," Madonna once demanded.

And we do whatever the Material Mom commands.

So, to this end, we have chosen to validate Madge's obvious affection for us by ranking every one of her studio albums in descending order, right up to our favorites.

Read on, and ready yourself for Madonna's two-night stand in town this weekend:

12. "Who's That Girl?," "I'm Breathless," "Selection from Evita"

Argentina isn't crying for you, dear, it's shedding tears at your insistence upon putting out terminally lame soundtrack albums. Still, all of them have their moments: "Breathless" gave us "Vogue," one of Madonna's most aerobic tunes; the title cut for "Who's That Girl?" is solid, though that might be the worst disc she's even been associated with thanks to the incriminating presence of Scritti Politti; "Evita" is as ambitious as it is overblown. Just thank your "Lucky Star" there was no soundtrack for "Body of Evidence."

11. "American Life"

Madonna's decision to rap on the title cut was almost as poor a choice as getting hitched to Mr. Ritchie without a pre-nup -- dude is currently replacing his windshield wiper fluid with cognac. But that gaffe aside, this disc is actually kinda underrated: more svelte pop from French producer Mirwais with "Hollywood" being one of her better tunes. It's not great, and it has its ups ("Love Profusion") and its downs ("Mother and Father") but hey, that's "Life."

10. "Hard Candy"

"Come on in to my store, I got candy galore," Madonna pants on the opening cut to her latest disc. "Don't pretend you're not hungry, I've seen it before." Hmmm, wonder what she could be talking about here? Wacky Wafers? Nerds? Zagnut bars? Like all that junk, this disc is disposable, colored by huge trance synths, a hip-hop production and lots of heavy breathing, but it's still pretty tasty. "Get stupid, get stupid, get stupid. Don't stop it," Madonna commands on "Give It 2 Me," and those are pretty much the words we live by.

9. "Bedtime Stories"

Yeah, we know, understatement and Madonna go together like vomit and velour, but this is one of Madonna's warmest and most inviting albums, a blown kiss instead of a blown ... oh, never mind. Babyface, the Isley Brothers and Bjork bed hop with Madge until the mattress needs to be flipped.

8. "Like A Virgin"

Though it contains two of her signature tunes -- the title cut and "Material Girl" -- this one is like parachute pants, the Noid and Corey Feldman's career prospects -- it hasn't held up all that well with age.

7. "Confessions on a Dancefloor"

Sweaty leotard pop that comes on like a series of heart palpitations, this Disco Stu-approved confection is like eating cotton candy for breakfast. First single, "Hung Up," conjures up enough body heat to melt a polar ice cap.

6. "Erotica"

The image of a nude Material Girl, thumbing a ride at the side of the road as depicted in her "Sex" book, tends to cast a long, leggy shadow over this album, but it shouldn't: At the time of its release, this was perhaps her most forward-looking disc, with the libidinous dance pop of "Fever" and "Deeper and Deeper" prefacing the electronica boom to come. Hard to believe that this is one of her poorest sellers, but then again, Viagra had yet to be invented.

5. "Ray of Light"

An album that lives up to its name, this disc saw Madonna embracing techno like some long-lost relative. What makes "Ray of Light" so inviting is that it revels in the nuances of the genre rather than its bombast for a sleek, seductive sound that's a caress instead of a grope.

4. "Like A Prayer"

Burning crosses, black Jesus and Pepsi-Cola: Mmm, America's long history of racial tension has never been rendered so fizzy and delicious. But don't let the controversial video for the title cut sidetrack you from how great this album is: It's a climactic summation of Madonna's first decade in the spotlight, sexy and self-aware, as this pinup became increasingly hard to pin down.

3. "True Blue"

Maybe the disc with the most Madonna classics -- "Papa Don't Preach," "Open Your Heart," "Live to Tell," "La Isla Bonita" -- this album is as dense as quartz.

2. "Music"

Ride 'em cowgirl: Madonna lassos Mirwais and borrows a page from the Western wardrobe of Review-Journal editor-in-chief Thomas Mitchell to come with stuttering, whip-smart sex-tronica with lots of vocodered come-ons and serpentine beats. "Impressive Instant" might be the greatest Madonna song to never become a hit single, while the rest of the disc demonstrated that Madge could grow up without growing old.

1. "Madonna"

One of the first straight-up dance pop records is still one of the best, 25 years later. With her Betty Boop voice set against high-stepping synth lines, this album is full of doe-eyed hits that remain as memorable as that first kiss.

Contact reporter Jason Bracelin at jbracelin@reviewjournal.com or 702-383-0476.