Shiver Me Timbers

I don't want to pretend to be an elitist snob, but there's something to be said for high-priced events in Las Vegas. Expensive tickets keep out undesirable rabble. Before I go on, I should say I myself am rabble. I'm the press, for God's sake.

But I know how to behave at fancy shindigs. The same cannot be said for cheap, douse-drunk Neanderthals in party towns everywhere -- from Las Vegas to New Orleans and (I'm sure) Ibiza -- who just want to gawk and yell at women, high-five dude-friends, then puke.

So let's get to where I'm going with this: The Palms pool is charging $200 to $250 admission to this year's "Midsummer Night's Dream" costume party, and cabanas start at $2,000.

But if Saturday's event is as much of a "Great Gatsby"-like party as it was in 2008, the gawking will be tasteful (basically), and the flirting will be just subtle enough not to be horrifically annoying. At last year's "Midsummer," everyone I chatted with either had a brain in their head or at least they were cool about all the sexual innuendo and near-naked flesh passing in front of their eyes.

What's "Midsummer" like? It's swanky Vegas, for sure. It features big set designs, scantily clad women and men, an open bar, and interactions between partygoers and 50 cast members and characters.

This year's theme is "A Pirate's Guilty Pleasure." A big pirate ship is being constructed by an L.A. set company, and it'll sit in the middle of the pool, firing cannon booms and flashes (but no cannonballs). Faux-pirate-era village sets will circle the pool.

Characters in costume: pirates, wenches, beggars, muscle men, mermaids, acrobats, contortionists and more.

Last year's "celebrity" in attendance (the theme was "A Masquerade in the King's Court") was then-Hugh Hefner "girlfriend" Bridget Marquardt.

This year: no celebrities on the marquee. You'd think this was to save celebrity-appearance fees in a recession. But marketing manager Dave Gutierrez (known in the industry as Dave G.) swears this year's party budget is just as big as last years; it took $300,000 and three months of planning for this five-hour production.

Dave G. says the celebrity paradigm just wore thin.

"Having a celebrity stand at a table and wave at guests -- you can't pass that off, anymore," he says.

So instead, "Midsummer" is shifting into production mode, to give partygoers a showlike feel, spread out from 9 p.m. to 2 a.m. (After 2 a.m., the party moves into club Rain.)

Some things never change. Party organizers will pick out 800 women to get in for free based on, I don't know, the usual criteria for hot women to get into things for free in Vegas.

To get in, you have to wear a costume (a mask at the very least). Women can dress way down to G-strings, but boob exposure is limited as usual (women must cover the tops of their nipples to bottoms of their breasts). In other words, you can show more below than above.

The Palms embraces the whole pirate thing all weekend. For $250, you get into three days of parties at pools and clubs. DJ Jazzy Jeff spins music Friday at the pool, then Friday night in Rain. Pirate-y pool parties go on during the day Saturday and Sunday, too.

I'm not telling you there won't be any obnoxious jerkfaces or stupid tramps there. I'm also not saying people with money are better than the rest of us (not in the least). I'm just saying the high price tag covers production costs and probably will limit the amount of undesirable rabble, as opposed to the merely leering rabble, such as oneself.

Doug Elfman's column appears on Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays. Contact him at 383-0391 or e-mail him at delfman@reviewjournal.com. He also blogs at reviewjournal.com/elfman.