JUSTIN BIEBER

It's like hating a kitten.

A kitten with no claws.

A kitten with no claws and a really girly "meow."

Seriously, why does Justin Bieber incite the ire of so many?

As far as we know, the dude has never slept with your mom, he didn't eat the last piece of pizza and we bet he always puts the toilet seat down. He's as innocuous as a Nerf machete, so white bread, it's as if he was made of yeast and flour and sugary sweet enough to make Mrs. Butterworth's wares seem like a combination of battery acid and stomach bile by comparison.

And yet as harmless as Bieber is, he gets under people's skin with the sting and efficiency of a hypodermic needle.

Bieber's quickly become pop music's pre-eminent punching bag, a blow-dried bull's-eye who gets deluged with more crap than a football field of Porta-Johns. One "I Hate Justin Bieber" Facebook page -- and there are several -- has more than 30,000 friends, most of whom delight in firing verbal darts at their favorite pop pinata.

"He's worse than 'High School Musical' sung by elephants," one anti-Bieber posts on the page. "He sings like a girl, looks like one, and talks like one, too," another poster notes less imaginatively.

In the past year, Bieber also has been the target of several hostile Internet campaigns.

Bieber's YouTube channel was hacked, sending viewers intending to check out his music videos to porn sites. One group got its followers to get the phrase "Justin Bieber Syphilis" at the top of Google's trending list by searching for it so much.

Recently, Bieber haters took over an online poll on his website to see where Bieber should tour next, attempting to send him to North Korea.

But, really, why all the animosity?

Well, for the dudes out there, Bieber does throw off the curve for his fellow men in terms of starry-eyed subservience to the opposite sex.

"I'm overboard, and I need your love," Bieber mewls on the aptly titled "Overboard." "Pull me up, I can't swim on my own. It's too much. Feels like I'm drowning without your love. So throw yourself out to me, my life saver."

May as well let the guy sink in an ocean of saccharine sentimentality if he's gonna come with Velveeta-filled canards like that. Seriously, did he crib those lyrics out of Hannah Montana's diary?

Then there's Bieber's voice itself, a shrill, high-pitched thing that squeaks like Mickey Mouse getting drawn and quartered.

And, of course, whenever anyone has so much success at such a young age, hackles are inevitably going to be raised. And Bieber's been on a roll for the past year, becoming the youngest male solo artist since Stevie Wonder to earn a No. 1 album, with his second release, "My World 2.0," and becoming the first artist to ever chart seven singles from a debut record with its predecessor.

Basically, Bieber's cuter than you, he makes more money and your kid sister would lock you in a confined space with a family of malnourished badgers for five seconds alone with the guy.

So, no wonder he makes you mad.

But, really, getting all worked up over Bieber's celebrity omnipresence is kind of like fretting over the long-term health prospect of a sock puppet: Don't worry, it's not really real.

Don't forget, teen popsters' popularity tends to expire faster than fruit flies and a glue huffer's brain cells.

It was not long ago when soccer moms were engaging in hand-to-hand combat and selling vital organs on the black market to score Jonas Brothers tickets for their brats.

This summer, the group has had to cancel some shows due to soft sales.

So whatever you think of Bieber, positive or negative, just relax, already.

Because whether you're a Bieber partisan or foe, none of you will be thinking of him at all much longer.

Contact reporter Jason Bracelin at jbracelin@ reviewjournal.com or 702-383-0476.