Getting a TV news job? Hey, no sweat
Kvetch, kvetch, kvetch.
(Complain, grouse, whine, for the Yiddish-impaired.)
Which is – let’s admit it – fun, fun, fun.
Granted, as an outlet for media criticism, Mediaology at least strives for informed and reasonable kvetching. Clearly, critics can do what TV types do better than TV types can can’t we? Launching a job search — sorry, R-J — let’s scan these genuine help-wanted ads our TV news departments are circulating, demo reel at the ready.
Hunting for a new news reporter, KSNV-TV, Channel 3 wonders: “Do you know how to dig for a story? Can you work a beat and get stories nobody else does? If you practice journalism with a big ‘J,’ then this is an excellent opportunity. Send us your work and let’s get this conversation started.”
Other job requirements? Edit videotape? I can Scotch-tape stuff. That count?
Needed as well at News-3: Weekend morning anchor/reporter “with drive and creativity who knows how to turn stories that get noticed. We need to see … a demo reel that screams enthusiasm, creativity and a nose for hard news.” My resume screams lethargy, dullness and a nose with a deviated septum. Yes?
No sale, News-3? Your loss. Let’s turn to KTNV-TV, Channel 13, those ACTION! newsies. Fishing for a new anchor/reporter also, they demand an applicant “anchor newscasts and report on a variety of subjects, write stories for broadcast, post stories and video on the Web, must also post on Facebook, Twitter, generate story ideas … book guests for interview segments.” Another must: “knowledge of libel laws.” People want to sue me for libel. That’s a plus … isn’t it?
Wanted as well: news producer. Skills: “Ability to work closely with others under deadline pressure … able to create a show filled with great video, emotion and movement.” Anything else? “Ability to handle multiple live shots.” I shot someone multiple times once. … Anything?
Oooh! Oooh! They want a “More” show producer at KVVU-TV, Channel 5. Duties: “Previews material before airing. Prepares interview segments. Selects graphics and pre-production elements. Coordinates and executes show in the control room.” And? “Must have excellent boothing abilities for live broadcasts.” Six girls and I once squeezed into a department store photo booth. … Fine. Whatever.
You also need an assignment editor who can generate ideas by “listening to police scanners and discerning credible news tips.” Well, I leave fabulous tips: More than 20 percent of the bill at Denny’s. No? Forget it, chum. You don’t deserve me.
Perhaps KLAS-TV, Channel 8 recognizes my talent and, frankly, genius as a general assignment reporter who’s “an aggressive hard news journalist who knows how to develop lead stories and has exceptional live reporting skills.” I had breakfast with George Knapp once, absorbing I-Team skills by osmosis over chocolate-chip pancakes and eggs, over-easy. Whaddaya say?
What about needing a newscast producer “who has that desire to win along with the enthusiasm and confidence to handle breaking news during high-pressure situations”? Well, I don’t know if I can handle news that’s breaking, but I could try repairing it if you’ve got a Phillips screwdriver, some bailing wire and Elmer’s Glue. … Oh, come on!
Know what? Skip it. I’ve got a good gig: Professional Kvetch.
Contact reporter Steve Bornfeld at sbornfeld@ reviewjournal.com or 702-383-0256