Does the world really need ‘Minions’?
Pet costumes. Anything that’s ever been labeled “as seen on TV.” That Carl’s Jr. burger that comes with a hot dog and potato chips on it.
They all have more of a reason to exist than “Minions.”
The bumbling, mumbling critters from the “Despicable Me” franchise, much like desserts or antidepressants, are enjoyable in small doses. But, as with those examples, anything more than that is inviting disaster. There’s just not enough to the little fellas to warrant an entire movie that, even at just 91 minutes, feels padded.
Besides, do we really need another big-screen adventure centered around gibberish-speaking lovers of butt jokes and flatulence when we already have the collected works of Adam Sandler?
The Minions predate history and exist solely to “serve the most despicable master they could find,” the narrator (Geoffrey Rush) reminds us. And they’re briefly shown going through a variety of evildoers from some crazy-looking prehistoric fish on up through Napoleon. But after Mr. Bonaparte, they go it alone and set up a civilization inside an ice cave in Antarctica, which allows “Minions” to avoid the discomfort of having the lovable little guys comically serve Hitler.
With no master, though, the tribe eventually begins to wither away. That’s when Kevin decides to brave the frozen tundra to find them a new leader, and he brings along the guitar-loving Stuart and, reluctantly, the overly enthusiastic Bob.
The trio end up in New York in 1968, and after a groovy introduction to the city, they almost immediately become trapped overnight in a department store. Making themselves at home, they curl up in a bed to watch “The Dating Game” until the TV loses its signal. When Stuart tries to fix the reception by holding up an electric mixer and an umbrella — that’s what we had to do before cable, kids — he unwittingly captures a secret broadcast by the Villain Network Channel advertising Orlando’s Villain-Con and its star attendee, the evil Scarlet Overkill (voiced by Sandra Bullock).
After hitchhiking their way to Florida with a family of fellow Con attendees, led by Walter (Michael Keaton) and Madge (Allison Janney), they hook up with Scarlet and head off to the swingin’ pad in London she shares with her mod, mad scientist husband, Herb (Jon Hamm). Despite having already won a contest to be her new henchmen, Kevin, Stuart and Bob have to prove themselves by stealing the crown from Queen Elizabeth (Jennifer Saunders).
“Minions” isn’t nearly as devoid of plot as, say, “Magic Mike XXL,” but it’s still little more than a short stretched out to feature length.
The Minions are once again impeccably voiced — with a mixture of Spanish, Italian, Chinese, Japanese, Indonesian and nonsense — by co-director Pierre Coffin, working here with “The Lorax” co-director Kyle Balda from a script by Brian Lynch (“Hop”). But Keaton’s Walter is cranked up to 11, and Hamm swaps out his distinctively smooth natural voice for something goofy and annoying as Herb. It’s almost unthinkable that the “Minions” team couldn’t coax enjoyable, top-notch performances out of those two.
Unlike the superior-in-every-way “Inside Out,” the current box-office champ it will almost surely unseat, there’s not much in “Minions” for grown-ups aside from a silly Monkees gag and the soundtrack, which includes everyone from The Who and the Doors to the Beatles and the Stones. (The less said about Herb’s hypnosis hat that causes three portly palace guards to strip down to their boxers and sing “Hair,” the better.)
Spinning off supporting characters into their own starring vehicles is a tricky, risky business. It’s a fact of life: Sometimes you get “Frasier,” sometimes you get “Joey.” (And sometimes you get “The Facts of Life,” but I digress.)
The Minions are rarely less than enjoyable, but without Gru (Steve Carell) and his daughters, the heart of the “Despicable Me” franchise has been replaced by pure id. Whereas those movies cut away to Kevin, Stuart and Bob for comic relief, “Minions” cuts away to still more Minions. It’s like the difference between visiting your friends’ over-caffeinated, maxed-out-on-sugar kids and bringing them home with you.
If Carell had grown tired of voicing Gru or were demanding too much money to continue, you could understand why Universal would want to give the Minions their own movie. But with “Despicable Me 3” already slated for 2017, the only thing the spinoff does is dilute the brand.
Ultimately, it’s easier to understand the Minions than to understand the need for “Minions.”
Contact Christopher Lawrence at clawrence@reviewjournal.com. Follow him on Twitter: @life_onthecouch.